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Divorce Solutions Unfortunately, separation or divorce creates much more than hurt feelings... Two incomes becoming only one often creates tax issues, the need for Credit Repair, Mortgage Reduction or even Bankruptcy.
OWN A HOME?, often it must be sold, or there may be a need for a quick refinance to pay off court allocated debts or buy out the other spouse. NOTHING IS BETTER than the spouses being able to agree and amicably handle the myriad of issues on their own. Unfortunately, that is usually not how it works.
IF PROFESSIONAL HELP IS NEEDED... Divorce and the related that come with it can be handled more quickly, effectively, and inexpensively when handled under the umbrella of one company that handles these many issues and knows your COMPLETE SITUATION. This avoids the problems that are inevitable when the right hand does not know what the left hand is doing. It is our sincerest hope that you don't need help. But if you do...
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Online Support Modifications, Free Consultations, and we always strive to make your divorce as affordable as possible. It is our goal to make this sometimes necessary life event as stress free and simple as possible. We know that even though sometimes divorce is the best and only solution to marital problems, it's never an easy one. So, try not to make it harder than it needs to be. Below are 10 tips on how to have a successful divorce.
BY SHERRY AMATENSTEIN
1. THERE ARE NO WINNERS IN DIVORCE. Stop trying to 'best' him/or her.. Even if you get full custody of the kids and the lion's share of the assets, you haven't won. Dr. Jane Greer, author of How Could You Do This to Me? Learning to Trust After Betrayal (Doubleday), says, "You've both lost! You each lost a partner, being married and dreams of happily ever after..." Kathleen Turner and Michael Douglas may have gotten vengeful kicks 'abusing' each other in War of the Roses, but in the end they both crashed and burned.
2. DON'T GO BACK TO RELATIONSHIP SORE SPOTS. Ceaselessly picking at old wounds -- 'You weren't there to pick me up at the hospital after the baby was born' Doing that will prolong your mutual agony. If you paid attention to me after the baby was born... Keeping guilt and anger alive keeps you connected, but only in mutual pain. Look at it this way: His flaws aren't your headache anymore.
Important point from Bruce Castro ASN owner:
Realize, what happened in the past, is the past. It is impossible to effectively more forward if you are constantly looking behind you. I know it's tough, but you have to let it go.
3. DON'T USE THE KIDS AS PAWNS OR A WEAPON. A biggie. Divorce is tough enough on the kids without inflicting dysfunctional divorcing parental head trips upon them. Dr. Greer advises, "Do what's best for the children in terms of custody, visitation, and emotional health issues." Meaning, don't keep the kids from seeing their father or visa versa. . And don't ask them incessant questions about daddy's or mommy's new girlfriend, or which parent they love best.
Important point from Bruce Castro ASN owner:
Do you want what's best for your children?... PROTECT THEM FROM YOUR ISSUES! I've seen children of divorcing parents go from happy straight "A" students, to morose "D" students. Even the best case divorce dramatically impacts your children... Bringing them into your issues makes it a hundred times worse.
4. DON'T ALIENATE YOUR EX'S FAMILY. When you married the son/daughter, you became their daughter/son. And through the children, you still have ties which will be much harder to maintain if you constantly belittle and complain about your ex to the people who raised him. That's what friends are for.
5. DON'T PROLONG THE SETTLEMENT PROCESS. In a just world, you'd get what's coming to you. And so would your ex.. But life (and settlements) aren't always fair. Obviously, don't let the ex stick it to you over important financial issues. But when it comes to the heirloom lamp that was a wedding gift from his or her aunt but you always liked more, let it go if you must. "Evaluate how necessary something is to you," Dr. Greer says. If you or he keep arguing, stalling, or nickel-and-diming one another, you'll never get the prime benefit of divorce i.e. being rid of the person who most drives you crazy.
Important point from Bruce Castro ASN owner-
The more you fight over assets, the less you each receive. Even if you win... you probably lost, with the only real winner being the attorneys! I've seen couples mutually spend $2,000 over a $500 couch!
6. DON'T EXPECT EMOTIONAL RESOLUTION. See tip #5. Life is messy, with numerous loose ends. The "injustices" you've experienced might never be righted the way you need them to be. If you wait for full closure to get on with your life, you might be waiting an awfully long time.
7. BE CIVIL AND COOPERATIVE. "Stay focused on your goals," suggests Dr. Greer. You might have to work as hard at communicating as you did during the marriage, but at least it doesn't have to be on the same exhausting level. Greer adds, "Just reach some common ground on the issues you need to address together, and try to be pleasant about it."
8. ERECT HEALTHY BOUNDARIES. You're not married anymore. You don't have to (and shouldn't) tell each other everything. Greer says, "Some exes can be friends, others are better off talking just about the kids. Be wary of sharing too-personal details. Stay out of each other's sex life." Which leads to #9:
9. DON'T BECOME EACH OTHER'S SEX LIFE. You're both lonely, scared, vulnerable. The fear and anxiety attracts you to the familiar. Remember Eve and the apple. Don't bite.
10. REVENGE IS OVERRATED. Dr. Greer puts it this way: "Being mired in revenge plots keeps you stuck in the relationship. You're angry and obsessed with the past instead of trying to build your future."
In short, if you're determined to make him miserable and to be miserable yourself, you might as well stay married."
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